MONDAYS WITH KERRI
When I “started over” in my own personal journey, the Holy Spirit taught me the enemy’s tactics in Genesis chapter three and then led me to follow Jesus’ example in Matthew four. That same night, when I returned home from the women’s retreat, I also came to understand Romans 8:26-27 in an intimate and personal way. As I prayed, the Holy Spirit led me to this passage and I read it out loud,
And the Holy Spirit helps us in our distress. For we don't even know what we should pray for, nor how we should pray. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words. And the Father who knows all hearts, knows what the Spirit is saying, for the Spirit pleads for us believers in harmony with God's own will.
I was blown away with the thought; I don’t even have to know how to pray! The Holy Spirit, God in me, will pray for me if I ask Him to. For so many years I had been striving to fix myself and seeking the answers to all of my brokenness. Now, I realized I had a Heavenly Father that truly understood the extent of my frailty. He knew I was too broken to know how to come to Him in prayer, so He had that covered too. All I had to do was ask Him, humble myself before Him, and surrender myself once and for all. So, I did.
The Holy Spirit has guided me in The Word from the night He called me to “start over” with Him. The overarching theme on my sheet of lies, shame, and fear was one of self-hatred. “Please interpret my tears and groaning to the Father,” I prayed. Then, I asked Him to show me how His Word could invade and heal me. Immediately He brought the first verse I learned as a child to my mind: Isaiah 9:6 which says, “For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given. And the government will rest on his shoulders. These will be his royal titles: Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.”
As I continued to pray, I experienced the four cornered protection promised in Proverbs 18:10, which states, “The name of the LORD is a strong tower; the righteous run to it and are safe.” “Look at my names Kerri; they reveal that I am the answer to all the brokenness you have suffered. I am the Wonderful Counselor to heal what you call your ‘humpty dumpty mind.’ You are not going crazy Kerri, you have been deceived. I will heal you mentally and restore your mind to a place of clarity if you ask me. I am your Mighty God, more than able to heal your physical body of its sickness. You have forgotten that I am the Great Physician–that is what I specialize in; I can heal you if you ask me to. I am your Everlasting Father and I will never fail you. I will always be present; I will never disappoint or abandoned you. I will love you back to emotional health if you ask me to. I am your Prince of Peace; you will never find spiritual rest for your soul outside of me. I am the sanctuary you have been seeking for your whole life. If you come to me and ask me, I can give the peace that is so complete it will surpass your ability to fathom or understand it. Kerri, in all of these things I want you to ask me first. You have been striving after counselors, doctors, treatments, prescriptions, training, and information to heal you. I want you to come to me before you try those things. I am the answer. All of those things, while good things, are not the best I have for you. You have settled for what the world has to offer you and it has not worked for you. Try me first Kerri. What do you have to lose? You have been running around your whole life trying to find the answer outside of me–I am the only way, the only truth, the only life.”
I know that following what Jesus did in Matthew four will bring freedom to your own life. I know because the Holy Spirit set me free of the lies, shame, and fear that consumed my life by following His example. The battle will always rage in your mind, you can’t claim your victory if you ignore the temptation and doubts that assault you. Hold every thought captive, rebuke what is not from our loving Father, and claim His truth in its place. When you do, you will walk in the light of His freedom, shining as the Signet Ring on His finger. He guarantees it!
Then Jesus spoke to them again, saying,
"I am the light of the world. He who follows Me shall not walk in darkness,
but have the light of life."
– John 8:12